yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I need a burrito and a hug.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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