Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
