it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
