I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
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