Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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