the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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