Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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