Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
