Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
