Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
false alarm, still single
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
