why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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