there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
