Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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