Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
