look no pants
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
