I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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