i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
