Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
