do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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