She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well I just put wine in my tea
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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