Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
