I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
