What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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