please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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