how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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