I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
