He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
