You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
