the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
