we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
