3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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