See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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