I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
