Will you blow on my dice?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
