remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
