Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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