its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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