..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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