Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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