My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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