My nipple is on Facebook.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
