I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
