did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
there's paper in my vomit.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
