dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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