and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
