it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
