Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
