I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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