i just google imaged poop.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
