I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
