how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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