I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
