brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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