Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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