I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
