Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
