the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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