chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
