You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
