She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
