I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
