the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
