The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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