You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
