Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
