Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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