You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
