why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
