remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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