i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
