The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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