I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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