First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
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obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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