Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
