so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
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Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
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There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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