My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
