I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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