Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
