so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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