Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
