hotel room ftw
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
