i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
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You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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